Narcissism

This is where people miss it. At the core of faith, should be healthy relationship. God exists eternally in a healthy relationship. He exists as Father, Son, and Spirit. Father, Son and Spirit are in relationship with one another, this is why the core of God’s nature is love. 

1 John 4

15 If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God,God lives in them and they in God. 16 And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.

God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. 17 This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. 18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

As a result then, we are to mirror and reflect God’s love and healthy relationships. As Christians then, the most important thing should be to have healthy relationships and healthy families.  This is what separates the authentic from the counterfeit. As the early revival started, the authentic faded and the counterfeit emerged. Why then would so many flock to the counterfeit? Most individuals live a counterfeit life, hiding deep within themselves their own pain and insecurities. One cannot love others until they love themselves. This sounds like a selfish statement, however, this statement is the opposite of selfishness. Selfishness is caused by self loathing. When one loathes themselves, they become preoccupied by self focus. This subconsciously drives them be over involved in others lives in a manner to control them, or to validate their own self loathing through emotional, physical, and even sexual abuse and manipulation.  Therefore, the authentic leaders work to lift others up, while the counterfeit work to tear others down and control them through their narcissistic wounds.  These wounds are developed by being in unhealthy relationships. Healthy relationships carry the ingredients of healthy time spent together, healthy touch, healthy positive communication, and unconditional positive regard.  In the absence of this, the person’s identity becomes wounded and a narcissistic alter ego is developed to compensate for the pain. This condition causes healthy relationships to be replaced with control, manipulation, scandal, and quid pro quo.  The subconscious mind becomes formed by age 7.  The mind, during this time, internalizes its external relational environment. Therefore habits, and cognitive processes are solidified during this time. If one grows with a damaged ego (self image), one will compensate by developing a narcissistic altar ego. 

While this seems harmless enough, the narcissistic altar ego takes to forms, the victim and the victimizer. The victim needs the victimizer, and the victimizer needs the victim.  Both, ironically, see themselves as the victim. This prevents these individuals from having authentic relationships. It is in the authentic relationship, that healing is found. The narcissistic wound, however, is so painful, that most allow the victim, victimizer relationship to take place in order to avoid the pain of removing the calloused layers that are protecting the narcissistic wound. When Jesus taught us about God, most flocked to him and expected more of the same, rules. The narcissistic wounds love the rules, because the rules offer control and the opportunity to be controlled. Jesus, however, turned the tables, (as if often did), on them and said that the superior way to fulfill the commandments is to love the Lord, love their neighbor, and love themselves. It would seem that the narcissist is an expert at loving themselves, but nothing could be further from the truth. The narcissist does not love himself, or herself. The self loathing, and inner pity causes the narcissist to be selfish and to put others down to feel better. However one treats himself subconsciously becomes projected on others.  If someone is highly critical of themselves, they did to be critical of others. If someone celebrates themselves, they will celebrate others. It is this massive insecurity that drives movements. When a group feel dejected and unworthy, a narcissistic leader will arise in order to validate their self pity and loathing. This creates a neediness that will hold them together. The greater the narcissistic wound, the more control, rules, regulations, and guilt are needed. This lends itself to abuse. These abusive systems create abusive families and the generational pattern repeats itself. 

Then, as a bizarre result, individuals are drawn to the abuse instead of the health.  Christianity should be about inner healing, growth, and the modeling of healthy, godly, relationships. Instead, many times, it becomes the manipulation of inner wounds. Individuals will flock to this. 

The second great awakening transformed the landscape of faith in America. Spurred by transcendentalism and the fierce individuality of the states after the revolutionary war, the zeitgeist of the culture lead to the preaching style of emotionalism, and self condemnation.  An Example of this is the preaching of Charles Finney. The preaching of Charles Finney was damnation, emotionalism, and not life giving.  This worked until the phenomenon of the burned over district….where it was no longer effective.  Emotionalism and guilt builds up tolerance over time, and eventually becomes ineffective. A reliance on this, then does the opposite of true transformation and breeds inauthentic relationships. This explains why Christianity has become cultural in the South East, instead of transformative. 

When we read in English: 

Matthew 4: 17 From that time on Jesus began to preach, “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven has come near.”

We hear a tone of condemnation. However, in the original text it is quite different:

4:17  ἀπὸ τότε ἤρξατο ὁ Ἰησοῦς κηρύσσειν καὶ λέγειν μετανοεῖτε ἤγγικεν γὰρ ἡ βασιλεία τῶν οὐρανῶν

The Greek word, translated Repent is Metanoeite. The word actually means to transform the mind. Jesus is preaching a message of transformation, not condemnation. 

 Jhn 3:17

For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.