I was doing some professional development article reading, and I came across some new research on this. Basically, when people have conflict, it is actually over inner psychological conflict that they are not aware of and it is projected upon other people. This is why their conflict seems irrational to us at first. Most of this conflict stems from inner personality disruption.
Research in this field is show that these individuals are struggling with their family of origin invalidation of emotions. For instance:
- Cognitive-based: DBT helps identify thoughts, beliefs, and assumptions that make life harder: “I have to be perfect at everything.” “If I get angry, I’m a terrible person” & helps people to learn different ways of thinking that will make life more bearable: “I don’t need to be perfect at things for people to care about me”, “Everyone gets angry, it’s a normal emotion. (Pedneault, 2016)
Growing up, they were belittled for having emotions. This caused them to feel depersonalized. Due to this, their identity gets wrapped up in what other people are doing and thus produces conflict. When dealing with them, if someone would validate their emotions, instead of the content of their thoughts (which is usually based in someone else's behavior), you can settle the conflict quicker, without dealing with the problem that was presented as the conflict content.
Updated March 08, 2016
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